Water Hammock

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This is what I’m dreaming of. Swimming pool season. Lazing in a water hammock. Hot blondes in little black bikinis. (The brunette in the little white one isn’t bad either.) Over the hump of winter now, I can see it. All I have to do is brace for a cold snap in the gut through Easter and Mother’s Day, and then Memorial Day, the official heralding of summertime, the day all the public pools opened for children to publicly pee in when I was growing up, will be here.

I’ve had my eye on Kelsyus’ Floating Hammock since last summer. I didn’t proceed with the purchase because the doctor told me I shouldn’t go in the water with that rash I got at the gym and it seemed like I’d just be taunting myself if I bought it. This year though, I am skin-eating-disease-free and ready for some QT on a bed of mesh with an inflatable perimeter that join forces to keep me afloat while enveloping my body in total ergonomic comfort. There is even a half moon pillow to cradle my head.

The water hammock inflates/deflates quickly via a Jet Valve, plus folds open and shut with a spring coil design that makes it compact and unobtrusive to carry. Clips on the float’s side allow for tethering to a dock, boat, or other raft. The hammock supports up to 250 pounds, which I don’t really understand in this case because I thought fat people were supposed to be way more buoyant than skinny ones.

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